Trying to get back on track, nutritionally speaking.

I seem to have fallen WAY off track with eating well. It was easy to do. In the early days of having Fritz I was burning tons of calories nursing him and then this summer I was usually walking to do all my errands, so I would walk 4 miles a day plus get in regular workouts too. It is winter now and cold out so I am not walking anywhere. Fritz still nurses a lot, but it seems that my body has figured this out and isn't burning quite as many calories doing it. Plus, the past 2 weeks he has really suddenly taken a liking to eating solids. I have gone from 123 in November to now about 131. Yep, 8lbs in a pretty short amount of time. It probably also has to do with being off call and perfecting my Bloody Mary recipe. All 8lbs is in my gut, a nice little beer belly... my own version of the Freshmen 15. So, I decided to do a post for complete and total accountability with what I am eating. I LOVE reading other people's posts with their diet diary for the day. I guess I am obsessed with food in that way. Sometimes, through logging, I am able to see exactly where I am doing well and where I need work.

Breakfast:
I drank a ton of coffee. My first cup of coffee for the day my lovely husband made for me and it tasted REALLY good, so I am assuming there was probably 2 oz of half and half instead of 1 oz. So, 3oz of half and half for the day.

Then I made a breakfast sandwich with a Flatout flatbread, egg beaters, piece of American cheese (ok, it is "cheese food" not real cheese, but it is delicious), and Canadian bacon. I ate 80% of it and was stuffed. Must be all the fiber in the flatbread.

Lunch #1: (did I mention that I eat a bazillion times a day?)

I got these yummy mini peppers and little fancy cucumbers. I am pairing them with a bit of reduced fat ranch dressing (making my own with greek yogurt would be even better, nutritionally) and an oz of turkey.

Lunch #2:

A client gave me fresh bread and strawberry jam. I had no choice but to eat a slice :)

Afternoon snack:

Venti skinny mocha (thank you, awesome husband, for bringing me happiness)

Dinner:

I made a turkey and cheese sandwich and grabbed a few chips, but I ended up not being all that hungry and eating only 1/3 of the sandwich and about 4 potato chips. Edie finished the rest quite happily.

Evening snack #1:

Protein shake made with 1% milk, Max protein powder, and a few cherries

Evening snack #2:

Apple and laughing cow cheese.

Between all this eating I got in two of these bad boys with herbal tea:

So, my nutritional stats for the day are: 1323 calories, 41 grams of fat, 87 grams protein, 23 grams of fiber

Not too shabby. I am still trying to find the right balance for my body.


I also managed to get in a run and another workout today. I REALLY wanted to eat food from Patrick's. Like a patty melt, beer battered cheese nuggets, and beer. I can often mentally justify these things to myself by telling myself that it is just a little treat and in moderation, but I have been indulging FAR too often and it is time to rein it in. I just wish raw veggies tasted as good as fried junkfood. And don't tell me that they do, I will just call you a big fibber.

My ode to fat-free strawberry cream cheese

Cream cheese, you are not.
You melt even when not hot.
You are runny and weird,
creating on my chin a little pink beard.

I thought you would be yummy,
Put on a bagel and sent to my expanding, soft tummy.
Without the delightful fat you are just kinda sad.
To be honest, you taste really, pretty bad.

If I hadn't gained 8 pounds this season,
I wouldn't have purchased you as I would have no reason.
I think I like my food either plain of full of yummy fat.
I can just burn off the extra calories on a yoga mat.

Recipe and training plan

I have been craving chocolate like CRAZY. I try very hard to not eat sugar. Sugar is my kryptonite. If I eat a wee bit of sugar then suddenly I am eating cake for breakfast, 2nd breakfast, 1st lunch, 2nd lunch, afternoon snack, etc. If I stay away from it, I do much better. Now, me not eating sugar also means I do not do maple syrup, honey, agave, or any other sweetener that is still filled with calories. I do not do sugar alcohols either as they mess with my tummy in a very gross and stinky sort of way. I do, however, consume a lot of Splenda. More than I should. You have been forewarned that this recipe contains Splenda. If you want to make it and use something else to sweeten it, go for it! :)

I found a brownie recipe that seemed decently healthy! It uses Splenda, but it also uses primarily black beans and eggs. Here is where I found the original:
http://www.ohtastensee.com/2012/09/27/low-fat-sugar-free-black-bean-brownies/

I plugged their nutrition information in and there is NO way that is correct. Sorry. I was getting about 3x the number of calories when I plugged their ingredients in.


Now, here is how I adjusted it to fit my needs:
2 eggs
1/2 cup of egg whites or EggBeaters (to reduce from 4 eggs to 2)
1 TBSP of coconut oil
1 TBSP of unsweetened applesauce (this took place of 1/2 the oil)
1 can of black beans, rinsed (I also chose the lowest sodium I could find)
1 TBSP vanilla
3 TBSP cocoa powder
1/2 tsp of baking powder
sprinkle of sea salt
1 cup of Splenda

Then over the top I sprinkled PB2, which is a powdered peanut butter that ROCKS. It has WAY less fat/calories but a good peanut flavor.

I baked at 350 for 25 minutes.

When I did nutrition calculations on my above recipe using MyFitnessPal.com I got (for 1/16 of the recipe):
52 calories, 6 grams carbs, 2 grams fiber, 2 grams fat, 4 grams protein

Not too shabby! Certainly better then eating a real brownie for those trying to watch their calories. The carbs are coming from the beans and we could all use more beans in our lives.

So, the verdict on these: Eh. They are ok. The texture is very different from a brownie. It is more custard-y, bread pudding-ish. They are a little too sweet with not enough chocolate flavor. The flavor of the coconut really comes through, which is nice. I think next time I will also add some coffee since coffee tends to bring out the richness of chocolate. They won't go to waste. I will likely eat all of them while trying to convince myself that this is what brownies taste like.


And now for the exercise portion of my post:

I am working out my training plan currently for running.

I would like to try to fit in 4 runs a week. This will include 1 long run of hopefully 1 1/2 hours or more.  When the weather gets nice enough outside for me to switch to running outdoors then I will likely track distance again, but for now I am still focusing on time only. I also should be cross training 1-2 times a week. My goal is to get at least 5 hours of physical activity in per week, which really is not very much. We will see how this works with family and work and all those normal obligations that can make things difficult.

This last week I managed to run for 4 hours and 2 minutes and walked for 1 hour. I got 4 runs in with my longest run being for 1 hour and 37 minutes. I feel like this is all rather respectable. I am sure most people can figure out what this "training" is for, but I don't want to jinx myself by saying it out loud this early.

I also found some running shoes that I am in love with:
http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/products/Five-Fingers-Lontra-Womens.htm

I currently run in Bikilas, but the shoes above look so much warmer for this cold and snow! However, like most people, I don't have $150 just laying around for new shoes everytime the weather changes.

Let's have an honest chat

It isn't a huge secret that I have lost weight over the last few years. Anyone with access to my Facebook photos can see this change that has occurred. I am not about to discuss the "how" to lose weight. There are MANY varied options and I couldn't tell you what the right choice is for you and your situation. Heck, it is hard for me to find the right path for myself. This drawn out thought is more about what happens after the weight loss.

With the new year comes many, many, many commercials prompting people to lose weight. These commercials promise you a whole new life, happiness, joy, and sex appeal. They are trying to make money off you. Keep that in mind. I will happily share with you what things have changed about my life with weight loss vs. what has stayed exactly the same.

What has stayed the same:

1. My happiness level. I was content before and I am content now. Losing weight will not fix all that is wrong with your life. 
2. How much I love myself. I never was filled with self-hared when I was fat. If you hate yourself when fat, you will still hate yourself even as you lose weight. Find a way to love yourself regardless of what size you are.
3. My romantic life. Have a partner who ridicules you about your size? It isn't you, it is them. They will still be a jerk after you lose weight. My husband has loved me and been attracted to me when I was 130lbs up to 256lbs and back down again. Our relationship has not changed. Well, I guess with the exception that I am often trying to force him to go for a run with me now.
4. My energy level. I know I am supposed to say that I have so much more energy, but I have always had quite a bit of kick in my step. I haven't really noticed it change. It isn't as if I was some lazy slug before and suddenly now I am taking on the world. I have been taking on the world since 1980 :)
5. My attractiveness. Haha! Ok, I know this is in the eye of the beholder, but please, I was a hot piece back then and I still am ;)  (see what I am saying? I have been full of myself regardless of size)
6. I still have arthritis in my joints. Sure, they feel a bit better with less of me to support, but my knees and hands are still achey and stiff each cold morning. 
7. Who I am. I am not a "whole new me" or anything like that. I am just the same old me. I really don't feel that my personality has changed at all. People's perceptions of me may have changed, but who I am putting out there is really quite the same.

What has changed:

1. I look worse naked. No, really. Lose 130+lbs and you will see what I mean. It isn't pretty. I need to wear Spanx more now then I did back when I was heavy. Skin galore. I am saving up for a tummy tuck and breast lift. If you saw me naked, I promise you would kick $100 into my savings fund. I don't hate my body, but I am just sharing with you that Megan Fox was not hiding under the adipose tissue.
2. My cholesterol levels! Hells yeah! I have normal cholesterol levels, which is THRILLING to me. I get giddy whenever I get my levels checked now. Joe told me it would be an overkill to frame my blood work. I am also not pre-diabetic now :)
3. My ability to do physical activities. I have become more physically fit, but that isn't just magic weight loss, that is also being active and building my activity level. I never was ashamed of my weight or let it stop me from going swimming or whatever, but it is much easier to now go running, hiking, etc. I can also easily do things like go sledding with my kids. This won't be different for everyone, though! There are heavy people who can run marathons, people! 
4. How I eat and how I watch the scale. I have to eat very differently now and I have to watch myself like a hawk. In my mind, I really had imagined that once I hit my goal weight, that I would be able to just live easily without ever having to worry about the scale again. That is exactly the opposite of true. Maintaining my weight is HARD. If I don't weigh myself daily then I start to creep up a bit. Every time my weight begins to creep, then I have to start all over again with logging and weighing every bite of everything I consume to see where my problem foods are so I can cut them out. 
5. How strangers treat me. It is bizarre, but strangers tend to be nicer to me now. And it isn't because I am suddenly a more outgoing person or smiling more or whatever. It is, I believe, because we live in a fat-phobic society. Now, people open doors for me (Joe tells me that move is all about trying to look at the person's behind, but it happens even when I am wearing a winter parka). It is weird and still taking some getting used to. And it makes me a bit angry. I was a worthy person before. I am not suddenly more worthy of kindness just because I am smaller.
6. Clothes are cheaper. Shopping is not actually more fun though because, with all the extra skin, clothes tend to fit weird. Still, I am happy to not be giving 1/2 my annual income to Lane Bryant anymore. $14.50 for knickers.... Lane Bryant, you should be ashamed.

I guess the take away message that I want people to have is that you should love yourself regardless of your size. Losing weight is not some magic cure-all to all that is wrong with your life. Chase your health rather than a certain jean size. Don't let those stupid commercials and infomercials make you feel like you are any less than amazing.

Weight loss goals vs. delusions

I am finding myself torn lately about my goals when it comes to my weight. When I originally started this weight loss journey I figured I would be happy if I ever got to the point where I didn't need to shop at Lane Bryant anymore. Once that happened, then I figured if I could get to a normal BMI (136lbs or less) then that would be amazing. I had almost gotten there when I got pregnant. After having Fritz, I was immediately 131 lbs, which was pretty stinking awesome. Now, at 8 1/2 months post partum, I am down to 123 lbs. This is way lighter than I had ever expected to be. This is where I become a bit confused though. I find myself wondering if I shouldn't just take off another 10-15lbs. I have a teeny little frame, I am not meant to be heavy. I am not "big boned" at all! Should I consider myself done with weight loss at 123 or should I push just a little bit more?

When I look at my excess skin, there is, realistically, about 6-10 lbs worth of excess skin that I could have removed. You simply can't lose as much weight as I have (I have lost more than I weigh) and NOT have a good amount of extra skin swinging around. So, maybe I shouldn't lose anything and instead save up for a tummy tuck/lower body lift?

It is hard to think of getting OUT of the weigh loss mode. This must be how those anorexic girls on the after-school specials felt. They could look in a mirror and still see a bit more to come off. Not that I am anorexic.... I am not saying that. It is just that one can always see room for improvement and when does this cross into being a bit delusional? When does it cross into an unhealthy obsession?

I think I need to just get back in the gym and focusing on my work outs. That tends to help as I am not so focused on my weight or weight loss, but instead focused on fitness goals. Now that Fritzy is over 6 months old, he can finally go to the childcare at the YMCA!!!! YAY!!! I should utilize that on days that I don't have to work. This last week I have let my feet carry me more than 13 miles with running/walking and that has been sooooooo nice. Time to step it up a bit more. Time to lift some weights and get some muscles. Time to challenge myself. Time to get re-started with that marathon training business..... that all fell by the wayside while we tried to make this house livable and my arthritis was flaring up big time and life felt hard.

Fitness goals:

• Be able to ride bike to and from the YMCA for workouts (the Y is the next town down the highway), this would be 12.9 miles each way.
• Get back up to running for 60-90 minutes straight.... eventually get that marathon training
• Lift some weights! See some arm muscles
• Be able to swim 1/2 a mile
• Be able to feel fit enough to go for a run with someone else (I run alone because I am SLOW)

Need to get on track

One of the hardest parts for me of this whole home renovation business is that I have fallen WAY off course with eating and exercising. I have been eating crap and just not finding anytime to work out at all. This is not good and makes me very nervous as anyone who has ever struggled with these issues knows it can be a very easy slide back. I need to get back on course. Today. Fortunately, my weight is still doing ok-ish. It is still within the range that I like it to be in, but it is on the higher end of that range as I guess I gained 4lbs. I am hoping most of that is water retention from the extreme heat. I still need to get back on track though, regardless of what the scale says.

Today I am back to cruising my favorite nutrition blogs and planning out my meals/snacks so I don't just end up grabbing the first thing I see when I walk in the kitchen. I need high protein and low-ish carbs. I have been slipping with the carbs. A piece of bread here, a few crackers there.... slippery slope.

I need to find time for the exercise thing. Working on the house as been lots of manual labor, but I need a bit more. Hopefully tomorrow I will get a moment to maybe ride my bike or run or something. I have been eyeing up fall races....

Running, exercise, baby, and food

My youngest was born now 5 weeks ago. I know that wasn't very long ago, but I feel the need to hurry up and get back on track. Prior to getting pregnant I was training for a half-marathon and early in my pregnancy I was still running 7 miles at a time. As my pregnancy progressed, all my joints started hurting more and running became difficult so I spent my time swimming and walking and on my elliptical. I eventually cut back on how much I was doing because I was not gaining weight at all. I didn't cut out exercise, but took away the really long or intense workouts. I was staying pretty active, but then at about 35/36 weeks I started having excrutiating nerve pain through my hip and leg. I would have these pains shoot through and then all the muscles would spasm and I would often find myself on the floor. That put an end to exercise. It put an end to even running errands or living a normal life. Thankfully, the pain was gone as soon as he was born, but now I have been really inactive for 2 months!

I have a marathon to run in September! Yay! I am going to try for a full and we will see what happens. I have started this last week to return to exercise. I went running one day and used my elliptical again and have just started walking around town with baby as well. It is difficult because he really doesn't want me to have even 30 minutes to myself, but hopefully that will change as he gets a bit older. Of course, yesterday I had to have some abnormal skin cells removed which put a whole lot of stitches into my belly button, which means that for the next 2 weeks or so I am going to be pretty sore and pretty limited once again on what I can and cannot do for activity. Good fun! Oh well, small price to pay to be sure those cells are removed.

I am now trying to balance out nutrition with breastfeeding and exercise. I think this can be such a challenge because, ideally, I would still like to lose about 10 more pounds, but breastfeeding also makes me killer hungry. Breastfeeding actually burns more calories than pregnancy! I find that often I need to have a snack in the middle of the night while nursing, which is nuts. The exercise I am currently doing is no real big deal for calories.... to go for a short run or walk really burns very little. HOWEVER, once I get back to running for 1 hour or more without stopping, that is when I am going to have a few more needs for nutrition. I don't eat sugar and I try to take in mostly healthy carbs (fruits, veggies, and a few whole grains), lots of protein, and some healthy fats. It is just hard for me to balance out my hunger, my want to lose a touch more weight, and the needs of my body while I nurse my little man and get back into exercising regularly and training up for a marathon. Hopefully, we will figure it out!