It is amateur hour over here

I am sometimes shocked by the stupid mistakes I make.... this is my 4th baby (and 2nd boy), some of these things I do just go completely against common sense. This morning is a prime example.

• Don't leave a baby boy uncovered in a cold house while you reach for a fresh diaper. He WILL pee all over you, himself, the couch, and the floor (mostly your foot).
• When he pees all over everyone and everything, don't put him in the bath if he hasn't completed his morning poo. The water is relaxing.
• When you manage to rush him from the tub to the toilet AND catch the morning poo in the toilet, give him another moment. Seriously.
• While you are patting yourself on the back about what an awesome catch that was and wondering where your swimsuit is and contemplating dinner, you should really pay attention to that funny face the baby (who you have put back in the tub) is making.
• You should never let a baby eat like 4 clementines. Ever.
• While disinfecting the tub, the baby WILL once again pee all over the floor..... and your foot. Just a little bit. It is cold out of the tub.
• When you are being a real genius and decide to shower off with the baby because you are (still) covered with pee, he was sitting in poop water, and now the tub is disinfected, know that those clementines may STILL be at work in his digestive system.
• After crying a bit, and scrubbing yourself with soap about 15 times, one would think you are safe to get out, get dried, and get dressed. One would be wrong.
• Remember, at this time, to DIAPER the baby before dressing yourself. You forgot? And you put a naked, wet, cold baby on your bed while you were getting dressed? Did you forget that he nursed for 2 hours straight this morning? His supplies are ENDLESS. You will now be washing the bedding.
• You no longer need to worry about your swimsuit. No water aerobics for you. Change the bed, wash the sheets, and try to remember this lesson for the next time.