What this mom really wants for Mother's Day (with photographic representation)

Tomorrow is mother's day. The reality is that I will be working. I will be landscaping. Exciting stuff. You know what would make this year really awesome? If my people gave me the sorts of gifts that I really want. Some years I have gotten cleaning supplies, other years a cool bowl or mug.... some years there have been no gifts at all. I decided I should just spell out what would really make my day. With photos. That way, hopefully, my crew will REALLY understand.

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First of all, toddler, perhaps we could spend less than 2 hours trying to go to bed? You look SUPER sleepy in this picture. Lay down, close your eyes, and go TO SLEEP!

Although, thank you for the sweet smooches. But seriously, let's try some sleep for the most awesome present ever.

Another gift that I would LOVE for Mother's Day would be to not live in squalor. Kids, this room is not clean. I don't care how long you pretended to be scrubbing it while Snap-chatting with friends, it still isn't clean.

I would appreciate some help with the dishes. Help that doesn't end quite like this. Maybe just not leave the wine glasses where the 2 year old can reach them?

You know when I took you out for ice cream and then you dropped it and it sprayed all over the floor? Yeah, cleaning that up would make a pretty outstanding gift. Also, as a side note, using the big purple thing that shows up in this photo would be cool. It can be used by people other than your mama for things other than cleaning up the broken glass from your brother's contributions to the dishes.

Maybe if your shoes smell like swamp, you could stop wearing them? The best gift of all would be if you threw them away. And then if you stopped walking through whatever makes your feet smell like death once I get you a new pair. Tomorrow. Maybe these should just be burned.

Generally speaking, if your mom takes 1/2 a day off work to run to thrift stores to find you a dress to wear for your dance recital, but then you decide instead to take something you already own, but ruin it by cutting it to bits, that isn't going to thrill your mama. For some weird reason, it actually would make me feel better if you mended this. Or wore the costume dress that I took 1/2 a day off work to find for you. You can look like an orphan from Annie for school on Monday since it was so important that I had to take 1/2 of Friday to put together the look.... and then you simply took something you already owned and..... ugh.....no....... mend it. It will look like a Frankenstein shirt, but at least I will know that you know that it kinda sucked that you took a $25 shirt and completely shredded it.

When moms tell their children to not eat food or bring drinks into their bedrooms, they should do a better job of hiding the evidence. What I don't know doesn't hurt. Becoming sneakier would make a good gift. And STOP STEALING YOUR DAD'S COKE!

Still not clean. Better, but.... no..... just no....

For the love of all that is holy, children, do your mama a favor and take your dirty chundies OUT of your pants before laundry.

Just for once, maybe on Mother's Day, when you tell me that all the laundry is folded, could you please be telling the truth?

Husbands can give great gifts, too. When your wife, who you are taking out for Mother's Day, says, "Hey, I want to wear my heels and dress up." How about if you don't respond with, "You can't get dressed up because I don't have any slacks to wear and we won't match. Just wear jeans."

Guess what, Love-ah? I found TWO pairs of slacks!!! Put one pair on when we go out tonight and I will consider that a great gift... cause then I can wear my heels and my legs will looks A-MA-ZING :)

Children, maybe tomorrow you could not run into the bathroom the minute there is work to do? I know you aren't really doing any business in there. I know this is because you spilled ice cream everywhere and you are hoping that I will clean it before you come out.

You can be piggies and messy, but at least throw me a few smiles and some love. Maybe follow the toddler's lead as he usually treats me pretty well. Other than the fact that the booger doesn't sleep. And he throws wine glasses on the floor. At least just smile like this at me :)

Marathon Music

As I was running yesterday I had an idea that will hopefully help to motivate me to continue to run my butt off. I would love other people to help me build my playlist! I am going to need about 6 hours of music. So, hit me! What are your favorite running songs? What song makes you think of me? If you were running a long distance, what would help propel you just a bit further? I think it will be fun to have music picked by friends.... it will be like people are cheering me on!

Just leave the song(s) in a comment to me :)

Running thoughts

Today I took a run. I was planning on going 4 miles, but I had only drank 2 cups of coffee and 8oz of water for the entire day (it was 4pm) and the heat was getting to me. I was tooooooooo thirsty so I called it off after 3.2 miles. While I often seek the quiet mind during a run, I don't always achieve it. Today is a prime example. My thoughts were on turbo-speed. I was having a hard time even getting into any of the music on my ipod and often a song would trigger all new thoughts. Here is a peak inside my mind.

<Here we go again>- OOooooh, I love this song! The video is even better. I wonder if I could dance on a treadmill. No, I can't even walk or run on one without holding on.
Oh shoot! Broken bottle on the ground. College kids drinking and playing beer pong. I wonder as I am running by if they see me as some weird old lady who is scoping them out? Do they even notice me? Probably, since I yelled, "F-ck!" while jumping on glass with my barefoot shoes. I wish I was running faster. That would be more impressive, if I was flying by these kids rather than running at a pace that makes me feel like I am doing a satirical play where I go in slow motion.

<Thrift Store> Maybe I can find the right pace. I did play this song 11 times on my last long run because it was just right. Yep, definitely a power song. maybe I should shop at Goodwill more. No, what if we got bedbugs or head lice. Head lice clean up SUCKS. I should probably check Edie again. Oh, shoot! I think I was supposed to give the dogs their flea treatment this last week. Ooooh, and heart guard.

Damn. This hill is hard. I am thirsty. I hope no one I know sees me right now. Is that Christina coming down the hill in the Subaru? Oh, it is! I wish I was running fast rather than walking up this hill and dying. I don't look very bad-ass while i am dying. Oh, good, she didn't see me.

<Dirrty>Ok, Erika, pull it together. Pretend you are running in that outfit Christina Aguilera wore in this video. She was tough. Get some swagger. Wait, she was wearing leather ass-less chaps. Those sound really HOT to run in. And probably should only be worn by women in their early 20s.... and sexy men in really good shape. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if my saggy mom butt was so saggy in back that it tucked right into the legs of the chaps? Yeah, Erika, NEVER wear chaps.

Speaking of butts.... I am concerned as to where the bloomers of this running skirt may have migrated to.  Is it worse to pick a wedgie while running or to pretend you don't notice it, but each breeze that blows the running skirt up shows to everyone that you have a massive wedgie? Is there a sly way to take care of this problem? Maybe I could squat down to "fix my shoe" and take care of it?

Running down this hill is fun. I wish all hills were only downhill. Maybe I should walk up it so I can run down again? Suck it up, baby, Mankato won't get any flatter before the marathon in October.

Why do I feel like I might die today? Can I pull it together tomorrow for a longer run?
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And on and on it went. 3.2 miles of constant brain chatter. Hopefully tomorrow will be a quieter brain since I am hoping for 8 miles. I don't know if I can handle my brain going on and on and on for 8 miles.

So glad Mother's Day is over!

Yesterday was a rough day. It was supposed to be a special, nice day and instead, my favorite part of the entire day was bedtime. Being a mom sometimes sucks.

I would first like to explain that Joe's back has been bothering him for a week. Then on Saturday we moved some heavy concrete. Sunday at 1am he woke up in horrible pain.... like bring a grown man to tears kind of pain. Fritz woke up at 1:30 and I couldn't get him back to sleep until 5am, something was bothering him and making him cry out and be really restless. So, I was going into the day pretty sleep deprived. I went back to bed at 6:30am and stayed there until 8:30am... grand total I got about 4.5 hours of sleep.

At 8:30am I got up because of the screaming fights coming from downstairs.... not because of the delightful crackle of bacon or the smell of fresh coffee. Joe couldn't make anything (stuck flat on his back on the couch), even though there had originally been a plan for breakfast in bed. My feelings were a bit hurt. Not because Joe couldn't do it, but because the kids didn't try to do anything. I had even told the kids the night before that I would accept leftover pizza for breakfast in bed. They decided they would rather play on their Kindles. No one wished me a happy Mother's Day. No one tried to figure out how to work the Kuerig to make me a quick cup of coffee. None of my kids gave a shit.

So, I did what I do nearly every morning. I did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, cleaned up their breakfast dishes that they left laying about, nursed Fritz, changed Fritz, let out the dogs, fed the dogs, etc, etc, etc. I decided once everything was finished that I would take myself for a nice, long run. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, my marathon training plan required some attention. While my husband told me to go, my oldest child started yelling at me. I asked all the kids to help watch Fritz while I was gone since Joe couldn't move. She decided this was unfair as she wanted me to take her shopping. Keep in mind that I HATE shopping and we had never said that we would go shopping anywhere. She wanted colored pencils and she decided that riding her bike to the store in town wasn't good enough. She also decided that she could not wait until I got back from my run, but wanted to go right in the middle of when I was going to be gone. She was really mean about all of this. I cried my whole way down to where I was going to run.

My run was lovely, but slow. I was tired and worn down. I got home to find napping baby and Joe, so I just rested quietly. Once everyone discovered I was home, it was back to normal life. Kids fighting more and needing me to break up fights. Yelling at me for not breaking these fights up fairly. Telling me that I am a horrible parent. Thank you. That is just what every woman wants to hear on Mother's Day. By the time bedtime rolled around (which was 1.5 hours early for the one child who had been the meanest to me), I had been yelled at pretty much all day. I felt verbally abused. I had been told that I was hated at least 5 times, told I was a bad mom at least 3 times, and I am pretty sure at one point I heard someone say our youngest child's initials at me (which is a very, very bad thing), but I was too broken hearted to find out for sure.

Had Joe not been hurting so much, I would have left in the morning and not come back until they were all in bed. I would have found something to do by myself rather than be with crabby people who were getting their kicks from being mean to me. I was stuck, though. Had it not been Mother's Day, it would have just been a not-so-great day of cranky kids, but since it was supposed to be a day about showing appreciation, it stung extra. Many of my friends were getting lattes in bed or handmade cards or extra hugs. I was getting, "I HATE YOU!" Maybe my expectations were too high for the day. Whatever it was, I am glad that day is over. Now we can just go back to normal life.

Never more than we can handle?

Something that has been weighing on my mind a lot lately is: does God really never give us more than we can handle?

This is something that is often said to people in horrible situations. Usually it is tossed about when there is a severe illness or big loss. People say it to try to give comfort to the person going through struggle. I don't know that it ever really helps. Is it even true? I tell you what.... if I am going through something horrendous and you tell me that I should have comfort because God will never give me more than I can handle, I will freakin cut you. I will unfriend you on Facebook, I will draw mustaches on every picture I can find of you. Just know, never say that shit to me.

I believe that people are regularly given more than they can handle. I don't know why it happens, but I believe that to be true. I believe that really NONE of us can handle certain things like a severe illness or injury in our children or the death of a loved one. However, as people, we get up and breathe each breath and try to live and get through the day. That is different than being able to handle it.

We are given far more sorrow in our lives then we are able to handle, but we are also given more joy. Do you remember that overwhelming joy when you looked at your child and realized they were your family for the first time? It may have happened at the moment at birth or adoption or maybe just a random Tuesday that you were staring at that tiny person and realized they were YOUR PERSON. My heart burst with more joy then it could possibly contain each of the 4 times that I accepted the new child into my family, my tribe. I couldn't handle all of that joy. Too much love. Too much joy. Too much everything.

Of course, the ying to the yang here is that sometimes we are given far more sorrow then we can actually handle. That is ok. Lean on your friends and loved ones. You need to get up and breathe in and out all day long, and that may be all you can actually handle for the day. That does not mean you are failing in any way. It simply means that God does, very regularly, give people more than what they can actually handle.

I don't pretend to understand why bad things happen to good people. All I know is that if you are one of my people and going through a horrible time, I will love you completely and totally. I will try to help in what ways that I can. I also will have no judgment if you need some space to completely fall apart. I don't believe for an instant that God won't give you more than you can handle, but I do believe that you have friends and family who love you and will try their damnedest to hold you up during the worst of the worst.

The end of an era

Today marks the end of our baby-making and having era. Joe got the vasectomy he has been dreaming of for years :) He is quite content. I am quite brokenhearted. I only share this because it is real and honest and the sorts of decisions that many relationships face.

I was asked recently why it was that I was ok with a vasectomy before Fritz came along and suddenly was not. To be honest, Fritz came about after a few years of unexplained fertility issues. We tried for years to have another baby and nothing happened. We finally decided on a vasectomy because I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't spend each month wondering if it would be the month that I would get pregnant. I could look ahead in the future and think, "hey maybe I should register for that conference..... or maybe I will be pregnant!" I couldn't live in limbo anymore. It was time to just move on from the ghosts of all the babies I would never have. And then Fritz came along.

I had another baby, guys, and this has opened me back up to wanting more. Originally I wanted like a bajillion kids. I got pregnant and my heart melted and anything seemed possible again. Maybe I could have that bajillion kids afterall  or 5-10 of them. For Joe, Fritz coming along had the opposite effect. It made him feel content and finished. He knew for certain he was DONE DONE DONE having kids. 4 is it.

We discussed the crap out of it. Basically, Joe wanted me to agree with him that I felt done too and I wanted to find a way to talk him into at least 1 more. No dice either way. How can I say that I don't want to have that baby, the next one in line, the one that I am sure is meant to be in my arms? Yet,  how can I demand my husband help me make a baby he has no interest in having or raising? This is a situation that has no winners.

Joe and I met nearly 14 years ago. We get along really well. I respect him and I can respect the choices he has made about his reproductive health. They may not be the same choices I would make, but I can't blame him for being honest about being DONE. Even if we would have delayed the vasectomy until I felt more ready, it really would have just been me hoping to put off the vasectomy for long enough in hopes that I would get pregnant again during the wait time. That wouldn't be fair. Again, there are no winners here. Well, I would say that Joe won, but he is currently wearing a bag of frozen peas in his pants. We have spent most of the afternoon doing what we do best about stressful or hard situations, which is joke about it A LOT. Joe was saying some crazy stuff while half-naked on a table..... and on drugs. He makes me smile.

I am sure, in time, I will get to a place of content, but for tonight I will sit with a glass of wine and feel a little sorry for myself and a pretty big sense of loss knowing that our childbearing has come to an end.

Vote on how to decorate our stairs

I would love to hear input. I have big plans for our stairs that involve Modge Podge and awesome pictures put onto the kickplate of each stair. Trouble is, I am having a hard time deciding on a theme of awesomeness. What would you do? We are a fun, laid back kind of family. We take nothing seriously. With that in mind, here are some of the ideas:

1. awesome mullets
2. great facial hair of our time
3. comics- Archie and Jughead
4. cocktails
5. pictures of ridiculous foods
6. crazy birth art
7. pictures the kids make
8. sexy men who look like dirty hippies (yeah, that is a selfish one)
9. retro advertisements
10. pin-up girls
11. clowns (haha! Just kidding)
12. other?